 A Charlie Brown Christmas, based on the much-loved Charles Schultz comic strip Peanuts, came on TV last night and is celebrating its 50th anniversary. Many people view it as a classic Christmas tale, and I support their right to that opinion. I, however, am not really a fan because I find Charlie rather self-absorbed and really into this whole martyr thing. If you focused less on Charlie, and more on the rehearsals and production of what will clearly be a disappointing retelling of the Nativity, that would be fantastic. Like a Peanuts version of Noises Off. Anyway, I decided to revisit Charlie and his non-pals to see if perhaps I was missing the magic and the meaning that so many other people found in this tale. So without further ado . . . 12 Observations on . . . . A Charlie Brown Christmas.  Observation 1: As a lead, I find Charlie Brown depressing. His first grimace occurs before the show even starts and then pretty much doesn’t leave his face for the rest of the show. And he complains. A lot. About everything. But never asks what he can do for someone else. Good grief, indeed.  Observation 2: What’s my motivation? I have no clue, Charlie Brown. Is he trying to find the true meaning of Christmas, or he is lashing out about the commercialism of Christmas? It alternates throughout. If his motivation is to make Christmas less commercial, then one would think he already knows what Christmas is all about. But he says he doesn’t. Or does he? I have no idea.  Observation 3: Never mock someone who doesn’t give you a Christmas card. Early on in this tragic tale, Charlie walks to his mailbox, opens it, and it’s empty. He then talks about how he doesn’t need a reminder that no one likes him. (Somewhere, his loyal and saintlike friend Linus is crying into his blue blanket.) Anyway, he sees Violet and thanks her for the Christmas card she sent him. She scoffs at him by saying she didn’t send him one, and he mocks her for not understanding sarcasm. My question for you, Chuck, is . . . how many Christmas cards did you send?  Observation 4: This entire group knows nothing about putting on a play. It’s clearly just a few days before Christmas, which means that the play should have already happened – but since it hasn’t, surely they’re ready to perform. No, they are not. They don’t even have a director, until Lucy, trying to help Charlie (sounds like a friend thing to do), names him director of the Christmas play. What? How do you not have a director yet? Why haven’t you been rehearsing? Why don’t the actors have their parts or scripts yet? Why does Lucy have unilateral director-designating powers? Why did they cast someone as the “shepherd’s wife?” Where’s Franklin?  Observation 5: Charlie Brown . . . sexist? As soon he becomes director, Charlie begins demeaning Lucy by calling her “script girl.” So . . . you’re calling the one who has the power to name you director and is currently the only one in town running her own business . . . “script girl?” For shame, Chuckles.  Observation 6: The first rehearsal goes poorly. Shocking. But Charlie Brown does exactly what any good director in his shoes would do: He goes to buy a Christmas tree. Wait, that’s not what a good director would do. A good director would, I don’t know, rehearse the actual play.  Observation 7: Charlie really needs to appreciate what he has more. If the message of this fable is that we need to stop wanting for what we don’t have and appreciate what we do have, then that’s a good message. Charlie has the best friend that anyone could ever ask for (no, not you, Snoopy. You’re kind of the opposite of man’s best friend) in Linus and all he thinks about is the people that don’t like him. I hope he at least sent Linus a Christmas card.  Observation 7: It’s “Christmas tree,” not “Christmas branch.” You had one job: To get a Christmas tree. A good one. Sure, you were bothered that the other kids wanted an “aluminum tree” – but let’s face facts, you said you would get a tree. A Christmas tree. And you did not. Despite Linus’s warning, you got . . . a Christmas branch. And then you’re shocked – SHOCKED – when your friends bash your branch tree. Sorry, Charlie, consider that bashing deserved  Observation 9: Did anyone read the script of this play? After his choice of trees is ridiculed, Charlie laments that he doesn’t know what Christmas is about. So Saint Linus calls for the lights (Who’s running the lights? Woodstock, perhaps? Or is that where Franklin’s hiding?) and begins to recite the story of the nativity. And that allows Chuck to understand Christmas. But wait: Aren’t they doing the nativity play? Shouldn’t he already have read this story in the script that he’s directing? Shouldn’t everyone in the play have been able to tell him? Amateurs. But at least Charlie gets the message of what Christmas is about. Oh wait, he doesn’t. He makes it about proving that he was right to buy a branch for a tree? Am I missing something? Wait, is this branch a metaphor for baby Jesus? Well, this story is way deeper than I thought. Though now I keep envisioning a branch wrapped in swaddling clothes and laying in a manger, which is weird. Anyway, Chuck takes his branch home and all of the kids follow him. Am I the only one that cares about the need to rehearse? I hope you’re not charging for this “play” because it will be terrible. Terrible, I say.  Observation 10: Branches are not meant to hold ornaments. Charlie gets home and notices that Snoopy won the decorating contest. Is he happy for his dog? Of course not. He then proceeds to take an ornament off Snoopy’s house and put it on his branch, and the branch topples. Charlie says that he broke it. Well, actually you just bent it, and if you took the ornament off . . . never mind.  Observation 11: His friends are magic. The friends arrive and see that the “tree” is bent over. Seriously, guys, you can just take the ornament off. Linus wraps his blanket around the branch and says that he always thought it was a good tree. (Actually, you didn’t. You’re reasonable.) Then the gang steals all of Snoopy’s ornaments and turns Charlie’s branch into . . . a full-grown Christmas tree. See? Magic.  Observation 12: We finally have a nice moment. Charlie comes out, sees the tree and is shocked. I am too, Charlie. Then the others wish Charlie a merry Christmas and sing “Hark the Herald Angels Sing.” Finally, a sweet moment. And their rendition of the song is flawless. Clearly, they rehearsed this song. Unlike the play. Well, those are my observations. And after pondering it more . . . I’m still not much of a fan, though I will continue to watch it every Christmas. Why? Perhaps it’s because I first watched it as a kid while eating Christmas cookies from Revco. And that right there is reason enough. Oh, and also I keep hoping that this time, Linus will finally appreciate what he has in Sally. 
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